Continued from Hell right here on earth – a mixed manic episode experience. You can read from the first post in this series Behind Smiling Eyes here.
The psychosis which took over mind and body when I was sixteen one day disappeared as quickly as it had come. It was mid spring at the end of my tenth grade, and over the course of a few short weeks I became blissful and energetic. I couldn’t stop laughing – everything was joyful and pretty.
As my ecstasy rose rapidly over the ensuing weeks I became abruptly aware of my calling in life – I was like a prophet of God sent to share the meaning of life in this modern-day world. Although my plans and feelings were grandiose I kept them close. A quiet planner by nature, I took to writing new proverbs as my means of communicating the intense connections I’d suddenly found between all things in our universe. None of these proverbs saw the light of day, however, as I was quickly distracted away by the beauty around me.
I’d walk for hours with my eyes taking in everything around me. Dismal grey was now replaced with an almost overwhelming amount of colour. Instead of the blunted drone of the world I’d tuned out for many months, I heard everything now – my ears were filled with the sounds of leaves, birds and insects – thousands of them buzzing, crawling, clicking… My mood flitted between awe and angst at the momensity of the sounds and sights around me.
It was a little after this time that I briefly researched bipolar disorder because I was surprised at how quickly I’d made a full recovery from depression. The book I sourced from the local library painted a picture of babbling craziness and profound delusions for mania, and deciding this didn’t fit me at all I simply rejoiced in the fact that I was now cured of severe depression, and pride that I’d achieved it all on my own without anyone knowing and without doctors.
This euphoric hypomania was short-lived however, and within weeks I had sunk back into a depression.